I made promises last frigay night. They were of the I am getting drunk on cheap wine Friday variety! blahblah blah blah. Will post about it all night! blah blah blah blah high jinx will certainly ensure! Blah blah blah
Unfortunately I did not get drunk on cheap wine as I indicated. Why? BECAUSE I HAVE NO FOLLOW THROUGH.
But I have something else to share with you that’s just as fun and CHEAP AS FUCK.
It involves housemate being drunk and watching her. Don’t presume because she’s drunk in any way that mean you have to be responsible for her. On the contrary you can gain more enjoyment by letting her run wild and creating a game out of her misfortune. I encourage you to keep a fall tally. As well all know it inevitable that rummies will hit the deck sooner or later. May as well make a game out of it! My Rummy had a few epic falls during the night such as, rummy sees hot guy, hot guy makes eye contact, rummy starts to strut until legs suddenly turn to linguine and she hits the deck, rummy lays on the d floor in mess of mangled limbs until other rummies help her up, hot guy watches from a distance, sips a drink, then turns away. This also provides entertainment the next day too when she cannot remember them all and you have the fun of retelling them. You can even make a few up for your own amusement, if you’re so inclined. I know I am.
So more or less Friday night consisted of rummy doing what rummys do best, and me watching and laughing. Also met a man wearing a grug t-shit. HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT!
Then there was the taxi ride home. Rummy catches her foot in the car door. Technically not a fall, but I feel it should still be on the fall tally. Don’t be feeling sorry of for her! She’s drunk and can no longer feel her limbs, and until there is an accidental amputation, there is no cause for concern. The drunken babbling is not exactly the most thrilling part of the ride home, however the ride is cut short because rummy decides that we have to go to café romantica, so that’s where we go.
Café romantica is an experience not to be missed. It’s like masturbation in that most people do it, but no one talks about it. (Most not all, I am looking at you Dave Shackleford) More or less it’s a lime green mouth brothel with fluorescent lighting that burn your retina as you pleasure your mouth with cheesy bread. Generally visits to this place is when you are blind drunk, so its not obvious at the time the eye damage you are doing. Until the next day, when all you can see every time you close your eyes is a garish geen chasing you eye ball all over the inside of your eyelids. oh yeah, it also has one of those video games where you can shoot things with a plastic gun. Did I mention its hell romantic?
After this awesomeness the NIGHT ENDS. rummy takes laxatives. BECAUSE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA, A VERY GOOD ONE. Housemate does not know taking laxatives will result in an uncommon amount of defecation the next day. This is discovered after I find the housemate formerly known as rummy in the bathroom looking very serious the morning after. She looks me dead in the eye and says. DO NOT GO IN THERE. Shakes her head and her eyes widen, she repeats, DO NOT GO IN THERE. the there is the toilet, and judging form the way she is currently eyeballing me, I say ok as I back away and close the bathroom door, leaving housemate to her secret toilet business. I opted to walk to the café around the corner to use the facilities. Shortly after I get a text message saying I AM DOING ALL THE POOS. I was very glad I was not a home during this time. VERY VERY GLAD.